Seth stared at me as though I had interrupted something private.
For a moment, he seemed more concerned about the open door than about the question I'd asked.
Then he glanced toward the hallway.
"Natalie, what are you doing here?"
I almost laughed.
It was my wedding day.
I was wearing my wedding dress.
I was standing outside a room in the church where I was supposed to marry him in a few minutes.
And he was asking what I was doing there.
"I was looking for Paige."
My voice sounded quieter than I expected.
"Then I heard my name."
Heather looked down at the table.
Seth rubbed the back of his neck.
"How much did you hear?"
That question told me something.
He hadn't been preparing to discuss the arrangement with me.
He'd been preparing to keep it from me.
"Enough."
He stepped toward the door.
"Let's not do this here."
I looked at him.
"Where would you prefer to do it?"
His expression tightened.
"Not in front of everybody."
Nobody was in the hallway except us.
Still, I understood what he meant.
He didn't want a scene.
He didn't want Heather to feel uncomfortable.
He didn't want the wedding guests to hear that the groom had been assigning his bride a job she hadn't accepted.
He wanted me to help him preserve the appearance of a perfect day.
I had spent three years helping him feel understood.
I had learned when to let a disagreement rest until he was ready to talk.
I had learned that he became defensive when he felt criticized, so I often softened my words before speaking.
I had told myself that was patience.
Standing there in my wedding dress, I began to wonder how much of it had simply been fear of making him unhappy.
"I heard you tell Heather that I'd quit my job."
Seth lowered his voice.
"We'll talk about that."
"No. I'd like to talk about it now."
Heather shifted in her chair.
"I can leave if you two need a minute."
I turned toward her.
"Did you cancel the daycare because Seth told you I'd take the children?"
She opened her mouth, then closed it.
That was answer enough, but she eventually nodded.
"He said you'd agreed to help."
I looked back at Seth.
"When did I agree?"
He exhaled sharply.
"You're taking this the wrong way."
I felt something inside me grow very still.
It was a familiar sentence.
I'd heard versions of it before when I'd questioned a decision he'd made or explained that something he'd said had hurt me.
Sometimes he had been right.
Sometimes I'd misunderstood his intentions.
But this time, I had heard the words myself.
There was no missing context that could turn them into an agreement.
"I didn't agree to leave my job," I said.
"We've talked about how family comes first."
"Yes. We have."
"And we've talked about helping Heather."
"Yes."
"Then why are you acting like this came out of nowhere?"
I looked at him for a long moment.
Because helping Heather had never meant becoming the full-time caregiver for three children.
Because supporting a family didn't mean giving up every part of myself that might inconvenience it.
Because he had confused a general belief with a specific promise.
But I didn't say all of that.
I asked the simplest question I could think of.
"Did you ask me to quit?"
He hesitated.
It lasted only a second, but I saw it.
"No," he said. "Not exactly."
Not exactly.
I repeated the words in my head.
There was no such thing as almost asking someone to abandon their career.
There was no such thing as nearly getting their permission.
Either he'd spoken to me about it, or he hadn't.
He hadn't.
"Then how did we make this decision together?"
He looked toward Heather.
That bothered me more than if he'd shouted.
He was checking whether she could help him explain himself.
Heather stood and picked up her phone.
"I really should go."
"Please stay," I said.
She stopped.
"I don't want you to think I'm blaming you for needing childcare. I know that's difficult."
Her face changed slightly.
I meant that.
Heather had three young children, and I couldn't imagine how exhausting it must be to organize everything they needed.
I wasn't angry that she wanted help.
I was angry that the two of them had made a plan using my life as though it belonged to them.
"I honestly thought you'd agreed," she said.
"I understand."
"I wouldn't have canceled if I knew you hadn't."
Seth turned toward her.
"Can we not make this worse?"
Heather looked at him.
"You told me she knew."
"I told you we'd discussed it."
"You said she was leaving work."
"Because that's what we're going to do."
The words came out too quickly.
I watched him.
There was no confusion in his face now.
He wasn't trying to explain a misunderstanding.
He was frustrated that I was refusing to cooperate with something he believed should already have been settled.
"Why do you think I should leave my job?" I asked.
He stared at me.
"Because somebody has to watch the kids."
"Then Heather needs childcare."
"She can't afford what she was paying."
I looked at Heather.
She didn't deny it.
That part, at least, was understandable.
Childcare for three children could be expensive, and I knew a single parent had to make difficult choices.
But the answer to Heather's financial problem wasn't automatically for me to lose my income.
"Did you calculate what I'd be giving up?" I asked Seth.
He frowned.
"What?"
"My salary. My benefits. The promotion Dr. Bennett offered me. Did you think about any of that?"
"We don't need two people working forever."
I stared at him.
We don't need two people working.
He said it as though our finances had already been combined, our home had already been purchased, and every future expense had already been calculated.
We hadn't even married yet.
"We need to get settled first," he continued. "There will be time for other things later."
"Other things?"
"Your career. Whatever you want to do."
I almost asked him whether he heard himself.
My career wasn't a hobby I'd picked up to fill empty afternoons.
It was the work I'd done for nearly seven years.
I'd spent years learning the job, taking on extra responsibilities, and proving I could handle more than the position I'd originally been hired for.
The promotion was recognition of that effort.
It was also an opportunity to earn more and build a future of my own.
Seth spoke as if I could set all of that aside and pick it up whenever his sister no longer needed me.
"What happens if I say no?" I asked.
He gave me a puzzled look.
"Why would you say no?"
"Because I don't want to quit my job."
He shook his head.
"You're not listening."
"I am listening."
"No, you're hearing one sentence and deciding I'm trying to control you."
I felt the familiar urge to reassure him.
To tell him I knew he meant well.
To explain that I wasn't accusing him of being a bad person.
I nearly did it.
Then I remembered the words I'd heard through the door.
She won't have much choice after the wedding.
I had no need to guess what he believed.
He had told his sister plainly enough.
"I heard you say I wouldn't have a choice once we were married," I said.
His jaw tightened.
"I was joking."
Heather looked at him.
Neither of us laughed.
"You didn't sound like you were joking," I said.
"I was trying to reassure my sister. She's stressed about the kids."
"So you reassured her by promising her my time?"
He looked away.
That small movement hurt more than I expected.
I had wanted him to deny it.
I had wanted him to look horrified that I could even think he'd do something like that.
Instead, he seemed to be searching for another explanation that would make the problem mine.
Heather spoke softly.
"Seth told me you wanted to spend more time with the children."
"I do."
I thought of Maddie running toward me at the park.
I thought of Ben showing me a toy he'd managed to put together without help.
I thought of Owen falling asleep against my shoulder after a busy morning.
"I love spending time with them," I continued. "But that's not the same as agreeing to care for them every weekday."
Heather nodded.
"I know."
Seth gave an irritated laugh.
"Nobody's asking you to do anything terrible."
I looked at him.
"You're asking me to give up my job."
"For a while."
"How long?"
He didn't answer.
"Until Owen starts school? Until Ben starts school? Until Heather can afford something else? How long, Seth?"
He shifted his weight.
"We'll figure it out."
That was the problem.
He expected me to surrender something definite for a future arrangement that had no end date.
My job had hours, responsibilities, and a clear next step.
His plan had none of those things.
It was simply an expectation that I would keep saying yes.
I looked at the clock on the wall.
The ceremony was getting closer.
Someone walked past the room outside, laughing with another guest.
I could hear the faint sound of chairs moving inside the church.
My wedding was happening around us.
And I was standing in a small room trying to explain to my fiancé that I was allowed to make decisions about my own life.
He seemed to notice the clock, too.
"Natalie, we're getting married in a few minutes."
"I know."
"We can sort this out afterward."
I looked at him.
"Afterward, what?"
"After the ceremony. After everything settles down."
He reached for my hand.
I pulled it back before he could take it.
It was a small movement.
His face changed as soon as he saw it.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Make this into something it isn't."
I looked at Heather.
She was holding her phone in both hands, looking uncomfortable and tired.
Then I looked at Seth.
"What is it, then?"
He didn't answer.
For the first time that morning, I saw how little he had prepared for the possibility that I might disagree.
He had a plan for Heather.
He had a plan for the children.
He had a plan for my job.
The only part of the plan he hadn't considered was my answer.
I took a breath.
"I need a few minutes alone."
Seth glanced at the door.
"We don't have a few minutes."
I looked at him.
"Then you should have asked me sooner."
I left the room before he could respond.
The hallway seemed longer on the way back.
I could feel the weight of my dress against my legs and the bracelet moving slightly on my wrist.
I kept my eyes forward.
I didn't want anyone to see my face before I understood what I was going to do.
At the end of the hallway, Paige appeared with a small sewing kit in her hand.
"There you are," she said. "I found a safety pin, but I think I can fix that hook without it."
Then she saw me properly.
Her smile disappeared.
"What happened?"
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
Paige set the sewing kit on a nearby table.
"Natalie?"
I looked back toward the fellowship room.
"I think I just found out what Seth expects our marriage to be."
Click here to continue reading: PART 3: My Best Friend Asked One Question I Couldn’t Answer, and Suddenly the Wedding Dress Felt Like a Promise I Hadn’t Made
Ten Minutes Before I Became His Wife, I Heard Him Make a Promise That Could Take Away the Future I Had Worked For
Part 2 of 12
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